Is losing weight courageous? I think not...

 

I have been bombarded over the past year or so with mostly well-meaning comments from friends, family, and acquaintances. I have been told, "you look great!", "Look at you! You are half the man you used to be!", and "I bet it must feel great losing all that weight", among many, many other comments. I do appreciate the thoughts and well-wishes of others- I really do. I am not always comfortable with them, but at the same time, I do realize that such a dramatic change in my outward appearance is bound to get some reactions.

There is one particular comment though, that I have received a bunch of times, that I just don't understand. Many people have come up to me and said, "You are very courageous to do what you did." Really? Frankly, I disagree.

The dictionary.com definition of courage is:

cour·age

–noun

1. the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.

2. have the courage of one's convictions, to act in accordance with one's beliefs, especially in spite of criticism.

What I did in having the gastric bypass surgery was two things. First, it was self-preservation. I know that if I did nothing about my weight, I would continue to have deteriorating health issues, and would be dead in 10-20 years max. The surgery has taken away all that ailed me, including sleep apnea and high cholesterol, and I am prescription-medication free! The second thing that the surgery did for me was improve my quality of life. I can now play with my kids without getting winded. With the weight loss, I have had a surge of energy as well.

But with all of those positives, I still don't agree with the label of "courageous".

Courageous are members of our military, who serve halfway around the world to keep our homeland safe. Courageous are first responders like police and firefighters, who routinely put themselves into dangerous situations while any normal thinking person would be headed in the other direction.

If I was to equate someone having this surgery to the word "courage", I would have to use the example of my friend Meridyth. While I would think that Meri would tell you that she did the surgery for many of the same reasons as I did, there is no getting around the fact that she has one major difference: she is the primary care giver for her gorgeous daughter Charlie, who is completely dependent on Meri. Why I equate her story with courage is that, to make the decision to have gastric bypass for her was more than why I did it. I think that it takes incredible bravery to go through major abdominal surgery, when one of the primary reasons is to be able to take better care of your child. While the other reasons are still valid, it is inescapable that the surgery for Meri was more of a risk than it was for me. I am thrilled for her that it was successful, and also for the fact that she continues to be successful in her weight loss, while still being a great mom to two beautiful kids! She may not know it, but she is a huge inspiration to me to be a better dad, a better husband, a better friend, and a better person.

Yet, while I can't equate my decision to have weight loss surgery as courageous, I do think that it was a good decision in the scheme of my life. As of this morning, I weighed in at 217 pounds, which is a loss of 172 lbs in just over 13 months. The surgery was a tool that helped me get to a healthier weight. From this point on, however, it is my daily decisions that will dictate whether I can stay at this weight. Will I work out today? Will I make the right food choices today? Will I attend that upcoming support group meeting? The surgery has put me in a position to make smaller, yet equally important decisions. Still, I can't equate the decisions that make my life better with courage. Courage is much more selfless. It doesn't minimize what I have accomplished in any way, but it is just not courageous.